Guess what! My Imaginary Talk Show has received its very first critical review. Shucks! It’s enough to make me feel like a real talk show host instead of a pretend host. Yes, I’m pretty sure it means I have arrived. So, move over, Ellen! Step aside, Kelly Ripa! There’s a new girl in town and at least one imaginary viewer wants me to know that my content isn’t as good as it used to be. As I have done in the past, I will change the name to protect to identity of a viewer, but Schmeorgia Schmaldron, I really hope you’re watching because this one is for you, my dear!
A few days ago, I checked my email to find someone had left a comment. Well, hot diggity! I loves me some comments! I was fully prepared for it to be spam because I receive a fair amount of it, but this seemed legit. The person I’m calling Schmeorgia Schmaldron took time out of her busy day to tell me:
“Hello, you used to write great, but tthe last
several posts have been kinda boring. Imiss your great writings.
Past several posts aree just a bit out of track! coe on!”
I copied and pasted directly, but I’m going to assume there was a little clumsy thumbsy at play. However, even clumsy thumbs couldn’t obscure the fact that Schmeorgia wanted me to know I “used to write great”. If not for the obvious past tense, I could totally take that as a compliment! So, thank you Schmeorgia! I’m deeeeelighted to know you think I once possessed some mad writing skills. Oh, okay, Schmeorgia never said “mad writing skills,” but I’m willing to read between the lines.
Moving on, I see that Schmeorgia thinks my last several posts have been kinda boring. Hmm… Kinda boring. That’s not so dreadful. Even Dick Cavett didn’t hit it out of the park every time and he had a staff. And a budget. And received an actual salary for his effort. Still… I have obviously let Schmeorgia down and now I must hang my head in shame.
Schmeorgia misses my great writings. Again, that’s almost a compliment! It’s like hearing, “I didn’t recognize you. You used to be pretty. What happened?” Schmeorgia, dear, it reminds me of a story Steven Spielberg told of his mother. He had just produced one of his less notable works and his helpful mother suggested, “You should do more movies like Schindler’s List.” I’m sure that made all the difference in his career. Up until that time, he probably hadn’t realized people would prefer a critically acclaimed work, which won 7 Oscars, and was one of the most influential films of all time to, oh, say, the live action version of Casper. So, now that I know people would prefer to read “great writings” over “kinda boring” posts, I will attempt to remedy the situation. Whew! Thank goodness Schmeorgia nipped this in the bud before it went on too long.
It has been duly noted that my “past several posts aree [sic] just a bit out of track!” Well, if there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s to have my posts be a bit out of track. Up until the moment I saw Schmeorgia’s comment from her schmeemail account, I didn’t even know it was possible. Oh, sure, I knew they could be OFF track. Since I’m the one laying the track, I didn’t feel as if My Imaginary Talk Show were off track. Maybe the fact it’s imaginary has something to do with that, too. But “out of track” sounds like a much more serious condition–like I’m careening toward a brick wall or something. Yikes!
So, I will attempt to “coe on”. I’ll even attempt to come on, since I’m fairly certain those clumsy thumbs were at play again. I do take solace in the fact someone has given Ellen a one star review and compared her show to Romper Room. One viewer felt it necessary to tell the interwebs it is time to pull the plug on Kelly Ripa. And another viewer thinks Kelly is trying too hard.
If I sound bitter, that is not my intent. You see, Schmeorgia, you are free to voice your opinions, even if they are less than constructive or edifying. But, here’s a thought: Since you never felt to need to leave a comment when you thought my writings were great, howzabout we try to accentuate the positive? Maybe, one day, the stars will align and the words will flow from my fingers in a manner that strikes your fancy and you will tell me about that. Until then, I remain a formerly great writer who is merely trying to amuse herself and others. Fingers crossed!