Take Note, Facebook

Dear Facebook,

There must be a better way to show your trending news stories. There simply must. Several times a week, I will notice a celebrity’s name under the word “Trending,” on the right hand side of my Facebook screen and my heart will skip a beat. Has there been a tragic turn of events? Is the person dead? Oh, sure, all I have to do is hover over the item to get the full headline. But, during those first seconds, I’m ready to don a black veil and whip up a casserole. (Casseroles are in the Southerners’ handbook of what to do when someone dies.)

I confess that the older the trending celebrity is, the more I think it’s time to break out the cream o’ mushroom soup. When I saw 40,000 people were talking about my beloved Dick Van Dyke, I was almost in tears before I saw he was singing in Denny’s rather than singing with the angels. When Barbara Eden turned 85-years-old, I was envisioning the worst. And, for a few seconds, I thought Betty Lynn (Thelma Lou from The Andy Griffith Show) had breathed her last when she was actually blowing out candles on her 90th birthday cake.

Now, Facebook, I was always taught to not mention a problem unless you have a solution. So, you’re in luck. I do, in fact, have a solution. For techie people such as yourselves, this plan should be a cinch!

Here’s my idea:

Beside each trending name, you put a cute little emoji. I’m picturing a teeny birthday cake beside Barbara Eden and Betty Lynn’s names. The next time Dick Van Dyke sings in Denny’s, you could have a tall stack of pancakes emoji. Rhianna and Drake could have a heart or a Cupid beside their headline. (I’m partial to the heart, but I’m not going to micromanage.) And, yes, when someone dies, you could clarify that right off the bat with a miniature tombstone emoji. How handy would that have been for Gene Wilder fans?

happy_birthday_cake_by_minnie_themousekid-d2zunqpBarbara_eden_as_jeannie_1966pancakes-31752_960_720Dick_Van_Dyke_1959tombstone-159792_960_720Gene_Wilder_1970

Think about it. You can get incredibly creative with your emojis. I believe in you Facebook!

 

Yours Truly,

 

Christi