My Boob Was Trying To Kill Me

By September 2, 2016Health and Wellness

Yes, I realize My Imaginary Talk Show is brand spankin’ new, but I’m in the mood to run a clip show. It has been a year since my right breast decided to try to kill me. Over the past year, I haven’t run a play by play–what with being too busy trying to not die and all that. But here’s the post that took me from being a gal with some private angst to being a gal who openly talked about her boobs on Facebook. This episode first “aired” on June 6, 2015. Enjoy!

It’s not like me to be at a loss for words. Not at all. But presentation is everything and I found myself lying awake last night wondering how to make this announcement to you good people. Something with a little pizzazz without being overly dramatic! Folks, I’m sorry to say that at 2:00AM this is as good as ideas get. So, here goes…

Fire Up the Batons!

Hear ye! Hear ye! I have breast cancer. (I am aware that the presentation is sorely lacking. But 2:00AM and all that jazz. Maybe if you put on some John Philip Sousa music in the background and bring out the fire batons, it could chirk things up a bit.)

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I will tell you that, to date, I have yet to shed a tear, but I have laughed more this week than I have laughed in a long time. I have laughed over the fact that I have spent years convincing myself that a frozen banana concoction whirred in the Vitamix is a satisfying replacement for ice cream. I have laughed over the absolute crunchiness of my lifestyle. I have laughed because, folks, if you have ever noticed the size of my ears and forehead, you know that I NEED HAIR! My dear sister, has gone with me to appointments and we have laughed until people were probably pretty sure we were mentally unbalanced. We’re the original Twisted Sisters! I’m grateful that my kids are also a little twisted and have beamed with pride over some of the punchlines they have written. (Because PRESENTATION!)

Come Aboard. We’re Expecting You.

This next week will include scans, a port, and the beginning of chemo. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. I have likened the cancer center to a really crappy cruise ship. Hey, who couldn’t get behind some makeup classes, massage therapy, art classes, and chair yoga? But, first, I have business to attend to. After that, you will totally find me playing shuffleboard on the promenade deck! I’ll be the one with the ears.

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Ba dum tss!
Stay tuned for future segments of the Cancer Chronicles, here on My Imaginary Talk Show.

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